Loser

9:11
As usual, here I am again stuck in this Godforsaken place we call work. A couple of hours more till my shift starts and I have nothing better to do than to console to my only friend which is this...

I hung up on her again earlier today out of frustration. I hate it when I do that. It's just so annoying and unnerving that I couldn't seem to get a few minutes of her time to at least talk about nothing. I am indeed trying my best to cope up or to adjust to her needs and her wants, but even though I try reasoning with her my point she always makes me feel that I'm wrong and that I'm taking up too much of her time. I just feel bad most of the time because everytime I want to talk to her or at least get her attention, I have to get in line.

I know it sounds a bit selfish if you read it for what it is, It's just that I've always seen myself as a very understanding person and God knows that I am. If I am indeed all that of what I've said, then why do I feel like I'm the unreasonable one in this relationship? Have I changed? Reason why I think this is because they say the people you spend most of your time with determine the type of person you are. This is what she makes me feel. I understand rhat she needs her "alone time", I understand it the she ahs so much stuff going on when she's home, I understand it when she wants to do something else...It's just really frustrating at times because she gets too tied up with all these things that even though something comes up and I want to tell her about it I have to hold up...

I'm so pathetic aren't I? All my friends are too caught up with their work and the others are too caught up with their special someone...The minute I get home, I don't have anyone to talk to because no one's there...She even told me once

" Do you expect me to fill up everything
that's lacking in your life?"...

I don't expect her to, all I needed was a friend...Not that I'm expecting her to shower me with her most undivided attention or expect anything in return, it's just that I thought part of the reason why I get into this relationship was to fill up something that's been missing in my life...Yet why is it that she makes me feel like I'm all alone. Maybe she's right that I'm too demanding of her time...

But don't get me wrong, I really feel strongly for her...I've sacrifice so much just so I can always make her happy, make her smile, make her stay a bit longer, make her love me more...I would go the extra mile all the time just so I can please her just so she would be satisfied even if it would cause me to have nothing left for the following day. When I started working, I was pretty much doing it for myself. Even though I hate my job now, I'm just working for her..I guess I pretty much forgrt about myself too. I'm just so much at a lost...Someone please pick me up and put me in my place. I guess I just need someone to talk too..Sad isn't it?